Decided I should start a new section to my blog to help me chronicle my weight loss journey and therefore keeping me motivated, honest, and on track. Maybe it can help others too. Who knows.
Background:
I've been overweight since the 4th grade with varying degrees of severity. I have been really struggling since I started college. I have never had good eating habits and its been a long time since I've had regular exercise.
I injured myself in 1994 and a recent doctor's appointment has brought to my attention that I will need a Hip Resurfacing if not a Hip Replacement in the not to distant future. Obviously my weight has made the situation worse. The Doctor said that its worse than he imagined but he cannot/will not do the surgery until I am under a 30 BMI. I was in constant pain and this is it. My excuses have run out. This appointment was the first week of May.
My friend convinced me to start Weight Watchers with her.
I am going to be very honest, almost embarrassingly so. On May 12th was my first Weight Watchers meeting. My stats were as follows:
May 12th
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 318.0 lbs
BMI: 49.8
Holy crap. Never in my life did I think I would let myself get to this point. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking this is ok. I don't want my husband to worry about my health or to no longer find me attractive. So this is where it began.
The first couple of weeks have gone well. I had gone the the YMCA 3-4 times a week and did well in the eating department. Thankfully Weight Watchers makes it so easy. I am an extremly picky eater so its great that I can pick whatever foods I want as long as I stay within my targets. I have enjoyed it so far.
Here are the follow up stats:
May 19th End of Week 1: 313.2 lbs (4.8 lbs Lost) 49.0 BMI
May 26th End of Week 2: 310.0 lbs (3.2 lbs Lost) 48.5 BMI
June 2nd End of Week 3: 309.0 lbs (1.0 lbs Lost) 48.4 BMI (Memorial Day Week)
So Progress!
Short term goals:
Lose total of 15 lbs by June 30th
Under 300lbs by July 15th
Lose 10% of my starting weight (31.8 lbs) by Aug 30th
Long Term Goal:
Get to a BMI of 30 by Dec 31, 2013 (that's about a weight of 190)
Eventually get to a "Normal" weight of 160lbs
If you are a WW Member and have awesome recipes to share, please do! I'll share mine too.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Last Half of 2011 and Family Goals for new year
Good thing I don’t blog for a living, I would be dead.
The last few months of the year have been busy as they usually are for everyone. We have had many doctor appointments for the boys. Vinny’s eyes are doing well and he has actually improved so much that he can wear his eye patch a few hours less each day and even got to have Christmas off, which he was very excited about. Lucas’s big appointments are still coming up,including the follow up with the Urologist from his surgery last year. We did have a slight scare with him.
Our pediatrician noticed that Lucas’s head is still growing. Normally, not a big deal. However our children (and my husband) have GIANT heads. Off the growth chart giant. With Vinny, his head was big like Lucas’s but about the age of 15 months or so it quit growing, which is to be expected. Lucas’s head is still growing and its bigger than Vinny’s was at this age. So our doctor suggested we see a Neurosurgeon to get her opinion on it. She said that it is likely there is nothing wrong but there could be fluid in his brain that is causing the growth. Being that Lucas has bumped his head a lot as a baby (product of being a little brother in a house with a rough 4 yr old), husband and I start to get nervous as any caring parent would.
We saw the Neurosurgeon 3 weeks ago and she said that she isn’t all that concerned but to be on the safe side we will take 2 more measurements over the next 3 months and see if the head has stopped growing and go from here. A huge relief, at least for the time being. Now we just have to get through the Urology appointment and Lucas’s eye exam to make sure he doesn’t develop and eye problem like Vinny.
Other goings on are that we have started to receive letters from the school district about Kindergarten. Holy Crap, Vinny starts Kindergarten in the Fall. Where has the last 5 years gone. Seriously? I remember 5 years ago was when we just found out he was a boy. Time really does go so fast.
The boys are still very much into He-man, although Vinny has moved on to Star Wars as well. We hope to soon move Lucas out of his crib and into either his bunk bed (which would be transformed out of the bunk bed and into the Twin Beds) or a toddler bed. Haven’t really decided. Having the boys in one room is nice because they really enjoy being together and they both sleep much more soundly when they are in the same room, which also has its downsides, ie not getting to work on time because your kids don’t know how to get the hell up in the morning. I also love having the “extra” room that is currently my craft room and also serves as additional storage. However with them being in the same room, there really isn’t much space it there for both of them. It will be better once the changing table is moved. Oh what a glorious day it will be when Lucas is potty trained.
Goals for 2012
- An actual family vacation that doesn’t include surgeries or visiting extended family
- Teach Vinny to ride a two-wheeled bike
- Vinny to learn to swim
- Vinny to join a team sport (I want T-Ball, we’ll see what he wants)
- Vinny to be night potty trained (seriously having to change the sheets almost everyday is getting super old. and yes I know that he is still a little young but I am allowed to hate pissed on sheets)
- Lucas to learn more to speak more English words than he does Spanish words
- Husband and I to have more than one night away from the children, which we have not had since Vinny was born
- Lose some weight so that maybe my back and hip won't hurt so much anymore
The last few months of the year have been busy as they usually are for everyone. We have had many doctor appointments for the boys. Vinny’s eyes are doing well and he has actually improved so much that he can wear his eye patch a few hours less each day and even got to have Christmas off, which he was very excited about. Lucas’s big appointments are still coming up,including the follow up with the Urologist from his surgery last year. We did have a slight scare with him.
Our pediatrician noticed that Lucas’s head is still growing. Normally, not a big deal. However our children (and my husband) have GIANT heads. Off the growth chart giant. With Vinny, his head was big like Lucas’s but about the age of 15 months or so it quit growing, which is to be expected. Lucas’s head is still growing and its bigger than Vinny’s was at this age. So our doctor suggested we see a Neurosurgeon to get her opinion on it. She said that it is likely there is nothing wrong but there could be fluid in his brain that is causing the growth. Being that Lucas has bumped his head a lot as a baby (product of being a little brother in a house with a rough 4 yr old), husband and I start to get nervous as any caring parent would.
We saw the Neurosurgeon 3 weeks ago and she said that she isn’t all that concerned but to be on the safe side we will take 2 more measurements over the next 3 months and see if the head has stopped growing and go from here. A huge relief, at least for the time being. Now we just have to get through the Urology appointment and Lucas’s eye exam to make sure he doesn’t develop and eye problem like Vinny.
Other goings on are that we have started to receive letters from the school district about Kindergarten. Holy Crap, Vinny starts Kindergarten in the Fall. Where has the last 5 years gone. Seriously? I remember 5 years ago was when we just found out he was a boy. Time really does go so fast.
The boys are still very much into He-man, although Vinny has moved on to Star Wars as well. We hope to soon move Lucas out of his crib and into either his bunk bed (which would be transformed out of the bunk bed and into the Twin Beds) or a toddler bed. Haven’t really decided. Having the boys in one room is nice because they really enjoy being together and they both sleep much more soundly when they are in the same room, which also has its downsides, ie not getting to work on time because your kids don’t know how to get the hell up in the morning. I also love having the “extra” room that is currently my craft room and also serves as additional storage. However with them being in the same room, there really isn’t much space it there for both of them. It will be better once the changing table is moved. Oh what a glorious day it will be when Lucas is potty trained.
Goals for 2012
- An actual family vacation that doesn’t include surgeries or visiting extended family
- Teach Vinny to ride a two-wheeled bike
- Vinny to learn to swim
- Vinny to join a team sport (I want T-Ball, we’ll see what he wants)
- Vinny to be night potty trained (seriously having to change the sheets almost everyday is getting super old. and yes I know that he is still a little young but I am allowed to hate pissed on sheets)
- Lucas to learn more to speak more English words than he does Spanish words
- Husband and I to have more than one night away from the children, which we have not had since Vinny was born
- Lose some weight so that maybe my back and hip won't hurt so much anymore
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The first half of 2011
I lost track of this blog during the past year. I am still working full-time and now I am helping run two local non-profit organizations on top of my family related duties.
This year has been tough for us. In late December 2010, we discovered that Lucas was born with a urinary atresia. Short version, is that his urethra was too narrow and causing him to not empty his bladder completely. After weeks of painful procedures, we then discover that he had a urachal diverticulum. This remnant from his fetal development would need removed along with part of his bladder to prevent much worse problems in the future. He was about 9 months old when we discovered this.
With his surgery scheduled for the week before his birthday you can imagine how scary things were. I actually had to walk him into the OR for the first procedure in January and I broke down in tears because I had a PTSD flashback. I couldn't imagine having to walk him in there again and holding him down, singing to him as lay gas him.
Things didn't get much better that month. My oldest son went in for a well-check visit and his pediatrician discovered that he had a cataract in his Left eye. A Four Year Old with a Cataract! You have got to be kidding me. Of course this became a huge concern because we had no idea how long it had been there, if his vision was effected, if his brain had already given up on the eye and therefore couldn't be sure it can be 100% every again. And so his surgery was scheduled for one week after Lucas's, on Lucas's First Birthday.
Thankfully the surgeries went really well. Lucas will have to be monitored to make sure his urinary atresia doesn't come back, but otherwise is doing great. Due to all of the procedures he just started walking about 2 weeks ago at just shy of 17 months. Now he's following his big brother around everywhere.
Vinny has started patching therapy. He has to wear an eye patch over his right eye (the good one) for about 8 hours a day. Over the past 5 months, his vision has improved greatly with the help of the patching and his super cool bifocal glasses.
The boys have gotten into He-man, the cartoon from the 80s. They both have foam swords and they go around the house holding them in the air screaming "I have the power!!" Even Lucas.
This year has been tough for us. In late December 2010, we discovered that Lucas was born with a urinary atresia. Short version, is that his urethra was too narrow and causing him to not empty his bladder completely. After weeks of painful procedures, we then discover that he had a urachal diverticulum. This remnant from his fetal development would need removed along with part of his bladder to prevent much worse problems in the future. He was about 9 months old when we discovered this.
With his surgery scheduled for the week before his birthday you can imagine how scary things were. I actually had to walk him into the OR for the first procedure in January and I broke down in tears because I had a PTSD flashback. I couldn't imagine having to walk him in there again and holding him down, singing to him as lay gas him.
Things didn't get much better that month. My oldest son went in for a well-check visit and his pediatrician discovered that he had a cataract in his Left eye. A Four Year Old with a Cataract! You have got to be kidding me. Of course this became a huge concern because we had no idea how long it had been there, if his vision was effected, if his brain had already given up on the eye and therefore couldn't be sure it can be 100% every again. And so his surgery was scheduled for one week after Lucas's, on Lucas's First Birthday.
Thankfully the surgeries went really well. Lucas will have to be monitored to make sure his urinary atresia doesn't come back, but otherwise is doing great. Due to all of the procedures he just started walking about 2 weeks ago at just shy of 17 months. Now he's following his big brother around everywhere.
Vinny has started patching therapy. He has to wear an eye patch over his right eye (the good one) for about 8 hours a day. Over the past 5 months, his vision has improved greatly with the help of the patching and his super cool bifocal glasses.
The boys have gotten into He-man, the cartoon from the 80s. They both have foam swords and they go around the house holding them in the air screaming "I have the power!!" Even Lucas.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Lucas's Delivery and early days
After my attempts to flip my son failed, I was scheduled for my repeat C-Section on my due date. I only got any sleep the days between my ultrasound and the surgery by a sleeping medication. My OB and I talked and I agreed that the effects of the medication were less than the possible effects on my well being and my psyche if I didn't sleep for 5 days due to panic and worry.
My husband and I did not inform anyone but my Doula and my mother, whom was living with us as the time and was watching Vinny while we were in the hospital, that we were going in for the surgery. Pretty sure we didn't even tell anyone that we discovered he was breech. I just didn't want to hear about it.
We arrived at the hospital at 6am and I met the residents on call and on my request they did another ultrasound to verify the baby had not moved. Once it was verified the traffic started.
I don't know if it was the hospital or my OBs notes in my chart, but the various doctors and nurses that I interacted with that morning were wonderful. They all took extra time discussing my last experience, which caused me to develop PTSD, making sure to do everything possible to make this a happy day.
I remember going down to the OR. I was cold and shaking. Nervous. I was standing outside of my OR with my husband next to me and then I was led it. The OB was standing outside the room with Vince. He told me later that she asked how he was and he said that he was just worried about me because he knew I was nervous.
My OB immediately left him and came in the OR to hold my hand along with the awesome nurse while I was getting my anesthesia. I remember the two of them laughing with me about something, who knows what. But I was laughing so hard that the Anesthesiologist yelled at them to stop making me laugh. I really appreciated the way they were holding me and comforting me.
This surgery was much different. There wasn't the same level of fear and uncertainty as last time. Lucas was born at 9:15am and unlike last time, he was brought to Vince and I right after he was cleaned. Vince held him the rest of the surgery. The nurse even took the first pictures of us. My sweet baby boy.
The rest of the surgery went fine. There was a lot more repair work as they call it because of the previous scar. I was also told that they couldn't use the previous entry area because it was too low. My OB later apologized for the "Stripes". I also developed about a week later a severe reaction to the prep medication they used. My body was one huge rash from breast to knees and from Left to Right. Not fun especially when recovering from major surgery.
The early days with Vinny and Lucas were great. Breastfeeding was much easier with Lucas. I think it also helped being surrounded by other moms who were breastfeeding so it was a comfortable experience. We spent a lot of time outside with our Playgroup friends. Madison was fantastic that summer. I think this helped combat the normal baby blues that you experience and also helped keep away the PPD that I was likely to develop.
I felt pretty good about everything. Vinny was being such a great big brother and was adjusting well. I wasn't even upset about the surgery. That is until about 3 months in. I remember being in the shower just a few weeks before I was heading back to work and I lost it.
I was disappointed, hurt and angry. I don't know why really. I mean I know why but I don't really understand that thing about women. Why do we always second guess everything we do, every decision we make. Its not like I can change it and thinking about does nothing except make me feel like a failure all over again.
Shortly after that incident, some other local women and I started a chapter of the International Cesearean Awareness Network (ICAN). A place where we can all be honest about how feelings and experiences and we all get it. These women all understand why I feel cheated, why I envy those who got the vaginal births I didn't. Its nice to have another woman look at you as you tell them it pisses you off when someone who doesn't care about how they give birth, and tell you they get it.
My husband and I did not inform anyone but my Doula and my mother, whom was living with us as the time and was watching Vinny while we were in the hospital, that we were going in for the surgery. Pretty sure we didn't even tell anyone that we discovered he was breech. I just didn't want to hear about it.
We arrived at the hospital at 6am and I met the residents on call and on my request they did another ultrasound to verify the baby had not moved. Once it was verified the traffic started.
I don't know if it was the hospital or my OBs notes in my chart, but the various doctors and nurses that I interacted with that morning were wonderful. They all took extra time discussing my last experience, which caused me to develop PTSD, making sure to do everything possible to make this a happy day.
I remember going down to the OR. I was cold and shaking. Nervous. I was standing outside of my OR with my husband next to me and then I was led it. The OB was standing outside the room with Vince. He told me later that she asked how he was and he said that he was just worried about me because he knew I was nervous.
My OB immediately left him and came in the OR to hold my hand along with the awesome nurse while I was getting my anesthesia. I remember the two of them laughing with me about something, who knows what. But I was laughing so hard that the Anesthesiologist yelled at them to stop making me laugh. I really appreciated the way they were holding me and comforting me.
This surgery was much different. There wasn't the same level of fear and uncertainty as last time. Lucas was born at 9:15am and unlike last time, he was brought to Vince and I right after he was cleaned. Vince held him the rest of the surgery. The nurse even took the first pictures of us. My sweet baby boy.
The rest of the surgery went fine. There was a lot more repair work as they call it because of the previous scar. I was also told that they couldn't use the previous entry area because it was too low. My OB later apologized for the "Stripes". I also developed about a week later a severe reaction to the prep medication they used. My body was one huge rash from breast to knees and from Left to Right. Not fun especially when recovering from major surgery.The early days with Vinny and Lucas were great. Breastfeeding was much easier with Lucas. I think it also helped being surrounded by other moms who were breastfeeding so it was a comfortable experience. We spent a lot of time outside with our Playgroup friends. Madison was fantastic that summer. I think this helped combat the normal baby blues that you experience and also helped keep away the PPD that I was likely to develop.
I felt pretty good about everything. Vinny was being such a great big brother and was adjusting well. I wasn't even upset about the surgery. That is until about 3 months in. I remember being in the shower just a few weeks before I was heading back to work and I lost it.
I was disappointed, hurt and angry. I don't know why really. I mean I know why but I don't really understand that thing about women. Why do we always second guess everything we do, every decision we make. Its not like I can change it and thinking about does nothing except make me feel like a failure all over again.
Shortly after that incident, some other local women and I started a chapter of the International Cesearean Awareness Network (ICAN). A place where we can all be honest about how feelings and experiences and we all get it. These women all understand why I feel cheated, why I envy those who got the vaginal births I didn't. Its nice to have another woman look at you as you tell them it pisses you off when someone who doesn't care about how they give birth, and tell you they get it.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Last Days of Pregnancy. When my OB became my friend.
March 2010 I had a bit of a mental breakdown. My due date was fast approaching and I started to panic about my choice for a VBAC. Not because I was afraid it was unsafe but because I was afraid I would fail. For those of you who know me personally, you know that I hate to fail. But I hate failing even more when it is out of my control. I went back to therapy to discuss this and basically my therapist asked "Well what if you do have a C-Section? What can you do about that?" She was basically right, and I said short of my son being Breech, my having a C-Section would mean that I had exhausted all other options and it was the only way.
I left her office feeling empowered. I began speaking more clearly with my OB and her partners about my situation and my wants. I was in touch with my Doula regularly. I even started acupuncture, something that I am not 100% sure I believe in. At 36 weeks, my OBs partner asked if I would like an "exam" which for those of you who are not familiar means she would check to see if my cervix was opening or thinning out. At that time, there wasn't anything happening. She also asked if I would like to have an ultrasound to check the baby's position.
Now at this point in a pregnancy, some OBs will use this ultrasound to start talking about "how big" your baby will be. I did not want to give them any opportunity to argue me into a C-Section so I declined and opted for her to use her skills to feel my baby and tell me his position. She told me that she was about 95% sure he was head down. Good enough for me and for my acupuncturist.
I began weekly massage, acupuncture, and chiropractic appointments to "prepare" my body for labor and to also maybe jump start it as well. At 39 weeks and 1 day (May 5th), I went into my OBs office to have her strip my membranes hoping this would also help me along. Upon inserting her fingers into my vagina, she tells me that he is so far up and she can't feel him at all. She then asks me if they ever did an ultrasound to verify his position. When I had told her no, she says "Lets just go take a quick peek. We won't measure or anything else."
She had the wand on me for about 20 seconds before she exclaimed, "Shit." My son was breech. To this day I don't even know what type of breech he was because I went into shock. I couldn't react. I had no emotion. Breech. Breech at 39 weeks and 1 day.
I remember everything about that afternoon and the following days, and yet I remember nothing. I was numb. I had a complete and utter melt down on the highway 24 hrs later. I ended up in my OBs office at 4pm on Friday drinking something with a monitor on my baby because I claimed I couldn't feel him moving. I don't remember if I could or not. Or if I was just looking for a reason to see my Doctor and cry in front of her, to show her my disappointment. Did I think it would change the situation? I don't know. Maybe some part of me hoped she would say, "Ya know what? Let's do it anyway. I can deliver a Breech Baby." But I don't even know the answer to that question. I never asked and she never said.
I will say that that 30 mins or so I spent in her office that afternoon, bonded me with her. I love my OB. She's funny and smart. Even used to be an accountant before going to med school. But this day, we bonded like friends. Gossiping about our crazy families etc. I think that was the moment I realized she was going to make sure my surgery was going to be the greatest she could make it for me. Never was said, but I knew it somehow.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Pregnancy update
Its been a while since I've posted and since I can't really think of anything to blog about I will just do some general updates.
I am 26 weeks pregnant this week. Things are going better than they were earlier. I am not as sick and I finally have got the heartburn under control (thank you prilosec!) I have been feeling the baby move so much more than I ever felt my first son. Its quite strange but also comforting knowing that he's in there moving around having a good time or so I hope.
I found out a couple weeks ago that my younger sister is pregnant. Although she hasn't figured out how far along she is so we'll see how close our kids will be in age. My mother has moved in with us to help take care of the kids. Things have been challenging getting used to sharing our space with someone else, but hopefully it will just keep getting easier.
I think we've finally decided on a name for the baby however we've decided to keep it under wraps until he's born. Partially because we have changed our minds a couple of times and partially because we think it would be a fun surprise.
I've been feeling the stress of preparing for the baby lately. Mostly in preparation of being on maternity leave. I really want to be home with the kids atleast for 12 weeks but financially speaking I don't believe we can afford it. It looks like I will have to go back to work after my Short Term Disability insurance payments expire. Its sad. I really want to spend as much time with my kiddos as possible but unfortunately our country is not very baby/mother friendly and its just frustrating.
I am 26 weeks pregnant this week. Things are going better than they were earlier. I am not as sick and I finally have got the heartburn under control (thank you prilosec!) I have been feeling the baby move so much more than I ever felt my first son. Its quite strange but also comforting knowing that he's in there moving around having a good time or so I hope.
I found out a couple weeks ago that my younger sister is pregnant. Although she hasn't figured out how far along she is so we'll see how close our kids will be in age. My mother has moved in with us to help take care of the kids. Things have been challenging getting used to sharing our space with someone else, but hopefully it will just keep getting easier.
I think we've finally decided on a name for the baby however we've decided to keep it under wraps until he's born. Partially because we have changed our minds a couple of times and partially because we think it would be a fun surprise.
I've been feeling the stress of preparing for the baby lately. Mostly in preparation of being on maternity leave. I really want to be home with the kids atleast for 12 weeks but financially speaking I don't believe we can afford it. It looks like I will have to go back to work after my Short Term Disability insurance payments expire. Its sad. I really want to spend as much time with my kiddos as possible but unfortunately our country is not very baby/mother friendly and its just frustrating.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Thoughts about Labor/Delivery
Since the birth of my first son via C-section, I have worked toward and prepared for a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section). Selfishly I know that most of the reason for my wanting to attempt the VBAC is that I need closure from my first experience. I would never choose my VBAC success over the life of my second son if it gets to that point, however I know that I cannot let myself give up on this dream.
Up until a few days ago, I have had no second thoughts or worries about this event, other than whether or not my doctor would be supportive. I can't even say that my recent worries are "second thoughts" but I have become increasingly apprehensive about the day that will come sometime in the next 18 weeks. I am due in a bit less than 16 weeks but I have already had the discussion with my doctor about letting me go to 42 weeks without medical inductions if everything is going well with me and the baby.
I suppose I am just getting the normal nerves that come with labor. I am not afraid of labor or contractions as I did have them with son #1's birth. I have hired a doula who will support me and my husband so I am not afraid of not knowing what to do. I think I am just worried that even if I do succeed, that this will not solve or close the door on my lingering feelings of my Cesarean.
Up until a few days ago, I have had no second thoughts or worries about this event, other than whether or not my doctor would be supportive. I can't even say that my recent worries are "second thoughts" but I have become increasingly apprehensive about the day that will come sometime in the next 18 weeks. I am due in a bit less than 16 weeks but I have already had the discussion with my doctor about letting me go to 42 weeks without medical inductions if everything is going well with me and the baby.
I suppose I am just getting the normal nerves that come with labor. I am not afraid of labor or contractions as I did have them with son #1's birth. I have hired a doula who will support me and my husband so I am not afraid of not knowing what to do. I think I am just worried that even if I do succeed, that this will not solve or close the door on my lingering feelings of my Cesarean.
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