Since the birth of my first son via C-section, I have worked toward and prepared for a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section). Selfishly I know that most of the reason for my wanting to attempt the VBAC is that I need closure from my first experience. I would never choose my VBAC success over the life of my second son if it gets to that point, however I know that I cannot let myself give up on this dream.
Up until a few days ago, I have had no second thoughts or worries about this event, other than whether or not my doctor would be supportive. I can't even say that my recent worries are "second thoughts" but I have become increasingly apprehensive about the day that will come sometime in the next 18 weeks. I am due in a bit less than 16 weeks but I have already had the discussion with my doctor about letting me go to 42 weeks without medical inductions if everything is going well with me and the baby.
I suppose I am just getting the normal nerves that come with labor. I am not afraid of labor or contractions as I did have them with son #1's birth. I have hired a doula who will support me and my husband so I am not afraid of not knowing what to do. I think I am just worried that even if I do succeed, that this will not solve or close the door on my lingering feelings of my Cesarean.
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